Monthly Archives: May 2011

Semper Fi: A Marine’s Run

Looking to change up my exercise routine, I ran a race Sunday that honored those in the military. The real honor came at the end when I cheered for Yuyri Zmysly, a man who doctors said could forever be in a vegetative state.

Image from Salute, Inc.

It was Salute Inc.’s “got freedom?” run. My crazy-runner-MILF friend texted me on Friday to see if I was running it. I smirked, running it, ha! I hadn’t even *heard* of it. At 5:30 race morning, I decided to give it a go.

I left the boys at home and headed out. At the starting line, I stood there, feeling pretty proud of myself for leaving the boys to go run a 5K on a whim. (There was a 10K option, which naturally I didn’t do.) Then the starting gun went off. And we were off.

The weather was cool and it was strangely foggy. I felt good the whole race and there was a quaint sense of community as several event volunteers were local high school kids or Girl and Boy Scout troops. Also, many people stood in their front lawns with their pajamas and morning coffee cheering us on. One woman even turned on her garden hose to mist us.

Soon the race was over. Me and my crazy-runner-MILF friend (who ran the 10K) were gabbing over bananas, when we noticed the crowd at the post-race party grew quiet and shuffled over to line the last few blocks of the course.

We followed suit and heard shouts of: “Here he comes!” “There he is!” Standing on my tippy toes, I saw him. He was in a wheelchair, his body was thin, his fingers were slender and gripped the air. Wow. I wonder what happened.

He had a mini-entourage around his wheelchair. Well before the finish line, they all stopped and a burly man stood in front of the chair. The man helped Yuriy to his feet, held out his arms for support as Yuriy took a step. We all held our breath.

His feet shuffled, his upper body jerked and he moved forward and onward and onward. We were clapping and cheering  and after Yuriy passed us, we crowded the course and circled him. The finish line was still about a block away.

I looked at the 6-foot-tall, ripped man next to me. The tears in his eyes matched those in mine. He gave me a faint smile. I kept clapping. Yuriy kept walking.

The finish line seemed far away, this wasn’t a ceremonial finish, Yuriy was grinding out the end of this race like the rest of us did. He was willing his body to do what he wanted, he was pushing its boundaries.

With each shuffle, we got louder in our cheers and our tears were now freely flowing. Then he did it.

Retired Marine Cpl. Yuriy Zmysly, who served in Iraq and Afghanistan, finished the 5K. He did it just five years after suffering a brain injury at a military hospital that left him unable to speak, see or walk.

Yuriy Zmysly walked crossed the finish line, showing that the human spirit is unconquerable.

Thank you Yuriy and to all the servicemen and women for their valiant hearts and sacrifice.

(For more information on Yuriy and his amazing story of love and triumph, click here.)

“Excuse Me, But Why Is Your Child Such a Bully?”

I could have asked the soccer mom that. Or I could have asked if she could make her kid stop terrorizing the other children. But instead I took the Mean Girls route: I glared at her.

Let me rewind. It’s Saturday morning soccer practice for Logan and I was flying solo with both boys. It was my first time at soccer since usually Hubby goes. And Hubby had warned me that one of the kid’s was very disruptive.

It didn’t take me long to spot him. His mom dragged his limp body onto the field. She hissed at him to get up. The kid, I’ll call him Ivan, labored to life and joined the rest of the 3ish year olds.

Enamored by my own child, I didn’t pay much attention to Ivan. Then half way through the class, Ivan started to go rogue. He refused to participate in any of the activities. Meh, he’s 3, no big deal, I thought, obviously my Hubby was exaggerating when he spoke of this kid.

Hubby told me a story of how Ivan was “going crazy” one day and then as Logan was drinking from his water bottle Ivan decided he wanted it. He snatched the bottle from Logan and Logan quickly swiped it back while giving Ivan one of my signature white-hot glares. Ivan looked at Logan and slowly backed away. (I’m secretly proud of this.)

On this Saturday, Ivan had kicked it up a notch, yelling at the coach, who was trying to corral him. I stole a sideways glance at his mom to see her reaction. She slowly turned her back to the field. That’s strange.

Things quickly devolved. Ivan started throwing balls at the other kids. I looked at his mom. She was looking at the ceiling. Seriously? I looked at the other parents. They all looked uncomfortable. It was the elephant in the room.

Logan was staying away from Ivan the Terrible. OK, my kid’s safe, but what about the others? When the coach’s back was turned, Ivan cornered a shrimp of a kid against a wall and pummeled him with balls.

“Excuse me!” I called to the mom. She ignored me. Meanwhile, the coach stopped the attack and sequestered Ivan for the remainder of the class.

I kept looking at the woman in disbelief. I try not to be judgmental, but sheesh, I’d never seen a parent so deliberately not watch their child. She might as well have started whistling and twiddling her thumbs. I tried to compel her to look at me, thinking if I caught her eye, I could strike up a conversation.

I switched on my white-hot glare, known for causing fear in the hearts of men. (It’s true! Ask my Hubby.) And nada.  Then I softened and for the first time I truly saw the woman.

She looked at her wit’s end and that this soccer class appeared to be her escape. I’m not making an excuse for her checking out, especially at the expense of the other kids’ safety, but I do understand when you’re just spent and want someone else to be in charge.

I remember once when Logan threw a huge, screaming, arm-swinging fit in the train station, I didn’t want to deal with it. I wanted to give him to one of the passengers. Instead I just grabbed his arms and confined him.

Next soccer practice, I’ll try to position myself closer to her and start chatting it up before Ivan releases his reign of terror so that when it comes hopefully I can gently prod her into action… We’ll see.

Or maybe I’ll talk privately with the coach about it. I don’t want to be a meddling parent and I’m new to the etiquette of children’s sports, but it’s just not in me to simply sit there and watch this kid push, shove and scare the others.

What would you do?

Wordless Wednesday: Rustic History

Antique farm equipment in Wisconsin.

Kelly Cutrone: One Bad Ass Mama

Maven of the Dark Arts, Kelly Cutrone, has made a name for herself as a balls-to-the-wall force of feministic power and success. Representing names such as Vivienne Westwood and Valentino, the PR guru has been called a few names herself. The name that I can relate to the most is b…

Kidding. It’s “mom.” She’s a mom. A single mom in the crazy fashion industry. How does she do it? Granted my life isn’t as hectic as hers, nor my paycheck as large, but I’m always intrigued to find out how moms get through their To Do list with their sanity (relatively) intact.

When I heard that Cutrone was going to be at Borders, I wanted to check her out. Naturally whenever I have any kid-free time planned, there’s always a kid-tastrophe that makes me leave the house 20 minutes late.

But I made it. And it was good. She was there to plug her latest book, Normal Gets You Nowhere, but she was talking about anything and everything. She’s a big believer in finding your personal truth, so to speak. Very follow-your-dreams kind of stuff. I know, not what one might expect from a tough-talking bad ass.

Yet Cutrone revels in being unexpected, or the anti-normal. In the uber chic, uber skinny, uber everything fashion world she sits upon her throne with flat black tresses, hardly any makeup, a regular woman’s body and clothed in all black (though at Borders she wore navy blue.)

What struck me most was she talked about figuring out what you’re passionate about and going from there. Even as a mom, focus on what’s important to your heart and let the rest fall into place.

I think that’s so easy to say, so hard to do. I wonder if I follow my passions, will the other plates I’m spinning come crashing to the ground? The thing about Cutrone is that she didn’t make it seem easy, but she made it seem possible. And she doesn’t let her fear get in the way.

What about you? Are you following your passion? If not, do you have the courage to make that change?

“You can develop a whole world around what you want to do once you find your truth.” –Kelly Cutrone

Wordless Wednesday: Guess What This Is…

Part III: A Frank Look At Living With Her Feet In Two Worlds

*Please welcome back guest blogger Polish Mama On The Prairie. She was born in Poland, but has spent most of her life in the U.S. She’s a mom of two, married to her high school sweetheart and is equally passionate about America and Poland. Here’s part III of her story:

Even though I threw myself wholeheartedly into becoming as “American” as I possibly could, there was always someone every single year who would call me a “Polack”, make fun of my name, my nose, and what I would eat.  So, I guess, no matter how hard I tried, I was still a “foreigner.” Forever. Taken away from family, lost my ancestral language, but still not allowed to wear the new identity.

Sometimes, I would tell such ignorant people that the word was a racial slur and it was as bad as the “N” word.  To which I would be told that there was a place called “Pollock Johnny” so it couldn’t be racist. After all, other “Polacks call each other that.” First, “Pollock Johnny” spells it like a fish and uses a racial slur to describe themselves, so they must be ignorant and stupid as the word means. And frankly, I blame a large amount of the unapologetic use of that nasty word on that “restaurant” and people who use it like they do.

Second, I never ate there and never will, nor do any Poles straight from Poland. Third, some Blacks call each other the “N” word, but many consider it a racial slur anyway.  And true Poles do not use that word to address one another. Honestly, if someone asks about my name and I say I am Polish, and they say “Oh, I’m a Polack, too!” or “Us stupid Polacks” or something else like that, I actually physically walk away from them. I don’t even want to discuss anything else with them. At all.

It is how the person who is the target of the word feels about it, not how you say it or mean it.  I could call someone an idiot with all the sweetness in the world behind my words, I still just called them an idiot.

Every year, on the first day of school, the teacher would call out a name and you would acknowledge it. After a few years, I got used to the same routine. A pause, a stumble on the first syllable, another pause, a weird look as though the name has the plague (of course, everyone else in the class is a John, Amy, Jamie, Michael, and other one or two syllable mainstream names) and then, some sort of remark that embarrasses me, such as “I’ll just spell it” or “Who would name their child that?!” or, rarely, a kind attempt at saying my name.

After a while, I learned to just raise my hand before the last step of the embarrassing “she’s different” routine and I would say “That would be me” with a smile. The teacher would either say “What’s a nickname I could call you?” or “What sort of name is that?” either with a genuinely curious smile or a nasty smirk (I swear, I still don’t understand how some people become teachers).

Or, once, the equally embarrassing “Excuse me!  How do you know I can’t pronounce it?  You didn’t even let me try!”  To which, I shrank back into my seat and mumbled “I’m sorry”.  Of course, that man butchered my name completely.  Then, when I corrected him, “It’s —– but you can call me —-“, he said “Why the h— would your parents name you that?  And your nickname isn’t any easier!  I’m going to call you [insert American name that is nothing at all like my real name]”.  I told him I was Polish and he said “Well, you aren’t in Poland anymore”.  Every time that man did role call for the first month, I didn’t remember that in his classroom I was not me, but some random American girl name, so I would not answer “Present” and would anger him considerably.

I don’t want people to read this and think “Oh, kids are so mean!” No, it’s not the kids.  Children don’t learn this by themselves, this is always taught by an adult. You know we all have conversations at home that end with “This conversation doesn’t leave the house.”  Mine tend to be about our finances, how dirty a person’s house was, etc.

After all, if it was children only, then why would some of those teachers I mentioned earlier behave the way they did?

Another example of what it is like to live in Two Worlds, as some people call it, would be when I would talk to some people who I think really enjoy my company and eventually, the topic of Immigration comes up. Sometimes, the comments that hurts are “All foreigners steal American jobs!” or “Foreigners need to stay in their own country!”  When I point out that I am also a foreigner, I get told “No, I don’t mean you. You aren’t a foreigner!  You [were born here, learned the language, don’t have an accent, are like us]”.  My own In-laws sometimes still say comments like that in front of me. Even my now-deceased Grandmother-in-law who was Polish by heritage would say it. It hurts but I still forgive them and love them the way they are.

And when I talk to an adult about American politics or society, if it isn’t all beams of sunshine, unicorns and roses, I get told “then go the f— back home if you hate it here so much!” The point is, I don’t hate it here in the USA. I love it. I genuinely do. Americans are very open, some of their food is amazing, there are a lot of job opportunities here, I can buy anything I want here. Heck, I would never have married an American man if I hated it here. And if I didn’t like Americans, I wouldn’t love him as much as I do.

After all, I can move back to Poland or to another country anytime I want to. I was just raised that you should be open to change, and try to make everything you can better. And in order to make something better, you have to acknowledge what needs improvement.  And everything and everyone could improve in something. This isn’t Heaven. Nowhere on Earth is Heaven. It’s Earth.

And on Earth, I feel like I don’t belong 100% in either culture. I don’t speak perfect Polish, I don’t have a Polish accent, I dress like an American, I get told that living in Poland would probably not work well for me, and why don’t my children speak better Polish? I also get told that I have a funny name, I “look Polish/foreign”, I don’t dress like an American, I should accept the fact that I am not Polish anymore and that I am American and not speak Polish or about Poland ever, and if I mention anything I wrote about earlier in this article, I am unpatriotic and un-American.

Several years ago, I started to shake loose from a gradual depression that I couldn’t talk to anyone about because nobody could relate to how I felt. I didn’t want my parents blaming themselves like they caused this feeling in me of being a ship without a harbor.

I decided to blend the two worlds together the only way I knew how. I learned Polish again. Actually, it was more like, I listened to a CD teaching Polish and started listening to Polish music and got a job dealing with people from all over the world who were well-educated. And a light bulb switched on. My Polish language skills came back.  They aren’t perfect but I can get by fairly well. I started cooking Polish foods. I started traveling to Poland every other year.

I’m much happier now.  I don’t waste time on people who say stupid comments anymore.  The funny thing is, until I started writing this, I didn’t realize how hurt I was growing up.  And when I started writing today, it all came back in a painful, drowning wave.  I had a couple of moments when I had to walk away from this just to cry. But I’m glad I did. I feel stronger. After all, I did something many people will never do. I left one world for another and never quite fit perfectly into either. And I figured out that it’s OK. Because they are both a part of me.

*This is the last of a three-part series from Polish Mama On The Prairie. The first installment is here and the second is here.*

Trendy Women Everywhere: Fashions For Punks and Us With Badunkadunks

Finally. Balmy weather has arrived in Chicago. We can safely put away our parkas and it’s time to step out in my favorite fashion season: Spring/Summer.

I enjoy this season because it’s always the most fun and creative. This year there’s a lot of trends, some whimsical, others retro, but the best thing is that many of them have figure-flattering pieces for us everyday women.

  • Trends I like:

70s- Invoke the rockstar’s chic girlfriend

Derek Lam

I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again. Skinny jeans, cute as they may be, are not the big-bootied woman’s friend. (Unless paired with chunky shoes.) I have a serious badunk and short legs, therefore I praise the straight-legged pants, boot cut, or bell bottoms. This season, it’s the high-waisted pants with a fashionable flair at the end of your stems. Keep in mind, not everyone can rock the high-waisted pants though. (Ahem, Jessica Simpson.)

Other pieces from this 70s trend that I find appealing is the return of the maxi dress, this time it’s sheer. Maxi dresses are so comfy, though sometimes I wonder if I’m unsuccessfully hiding my flab or truly looking fab.

by turquoisepassion

Also platform wedges are back on the shelves. I love these since A) I’m short and B) I’m a mom. That means I can be cute at the summer barbecue while chasing my kids, because I’m not going to break an ankle, like I surely would in stilettos.

Polished Punk

Ahhhh this appeals to my inner rebel. The girl whose favorite manicure color is black. Who still loves all things G n’ R, Nirvana and Sound Garden, and who remembers the first time she saw Joan Jett and immediately found an idol.

Burberry's zipped motorcycle jacket

This look is easy to incorporate with existing items in your closet. You can pair an ultra feminine top or dress with an edgy, studded jacket. Frilly tops can help hide any post-preggo belly bulge (*blush*) and a nicely tailored, don’t-f*ck-with-me jacket can show off (or give the allusion of) a trim shape.

  • Trends I wouldn’t be caught dead in:

Floral. Personal preference, I like to keep my flowers in my garden.

Christian Dior, Reyes, Max Azria, Blumarine

Loungerie: This is the underwear-as-outerwear gone wrong. I’m all for lounge wear, being a temporary stay-at-home mom I have perfected the lounge wear look, but this is ridiculous. It makes me wonder if it’s one of those things that’s only truly seen on the catwalks, never life’s sidewalks.

However, as in all things fashion, one is never really sure. I mean, who would have thought that snow boots and shorts would one day become trendy? But Coco Chanel herself even said: “Fashion is made to become unfashionable.”

Happy Birthday She’sWrite!

Go, go, go She’sWrite! It’s yo birthday! We’re gon’ party like, it’s yo birthday! We’re gon’ sip Bacardi like… Well maybe not, but it has been one year since I started this blog.

Erica Lynn Photography

My first year of blogging has been great because I’ve learned a lot. Most of my lessons have centered around how little I know about social media, but it’s been fun to explore. I’ve met some really cool people, some really crazy ones too. Though many consider me one of the crazies and that’s OK.

Hubby has been pushing me to start a blog for years, and I finally did because I felt the need to carve out a little space for me. I remember when I started, I wondered in my first post if anyone besides him would read it. Yep, folks read it.

I’m still surprised when people tell me that they follow my blog. I try not to think about who out there could be reading/judging my ramblings because I don’t want to censor myself. If I thought about it, I wouldn’t tell you about me glaring at the other daycare mommies, my judgment of a little brown girl in the grocery store, how I sometimes get the blues or that my kid knows Eminem lyrics.

But again, this is my blog, my space and I’m so glad it’s here. It helps my mind to breathe.

I’m even more thankful to you for listening to me, calling me out when you disagree and showing me new life lessons. I look forward to my next year of blogging as I hope you do too. Big things are on the horizon including a complete fancy-pants redesign and (drumroll please) self-hosting. For the technorati that’s not a big deal, for this low-tech lady, it is.

Thanks again and keep coming back for more.

(Cue 50 Cent)

Go She’sWrite! It’s yo birthday! We’re gon’ party like, it’s yo birthday…

Wordless Wednesdays: The 80s Strike Back

Our ’80s party.

Part II: A Frank Look At Living With Her Feet In Two Worlds

*Please welcome back guest blogger Polish Mama On The Prairie. She was born in Poland, but has spent most of her life in the U.S. She’s a mom of two, married to her high school sweetheart and is equally passionate about America and Poland. Here’s part II of her story:

I remember playing with cardboard boxes and one little doll I had as a small child. I never really thought that I didn’t have a lot. Until I went to school.

I also didn’t think I had an accent, until it was pointed out to me by several children in front of a teacher who didn’t say anything to them. It was then that I found out what “Polack” meant. It wasn’t a word in Polish. It was only a word in English and apparently there were many nasty jokes involving that word. I hated school.

I also found out what the “N” word meant. A girl, who apparently thought it was funny, told me to walk up to the black boy in our class and say “Hi, N—–!”  She told me that it meant friend.

Apparently, it did not because I got in a lot of trouble for it in school, even though I was just beginning to learn the language. And of course, the girl who told me to do so didn’t get in trouble, because, as I was told by some big angry adults (I still have no idea who they were but could you imagine being in kindergarten how big they were and small and vulnerable I felt?) that I “should have known better than to repeat everything someone tells you!” Never mind that I didn’t even know my English alphabet or colors yet and was eager to learn. The lesson I learned from that, don’t be quick to learn things from people.  Don’t trust anyone.

I started taking ESL classes to learn English. I remember getting very frustrated with the teacher at times, who only spoke English and had no idea, not even one ounce, of what I was going through. I finished it early because I wanted to fit in so desperately. While taking ESL, I was still expected to take all the other classes that the American kids were taking. There was no leniency for the fact that I didn’t speak the language which the lessons were given in. I got exceptional grades in English and Spelling. I was proud of myself for it. I, the little girl from another country, the one with the funny accent, the “stupid Polack”, was getting better grades than the American kids were. But to them, I still talked funny, and nobody discouraged their harsh words.

At first, for lunch, I brought food from home, as many kids did, but my bread was different, my sandwiches different. My mother packed, heaven forbid, vegetables in my lunch, which, heaven forbid, I ate because, heaven forbid, I liked them and grew up eating them and wanted to grow up to be big and strong. Until I noticed other kids would ask too many questions about my food.

Once, a little girl asked, “Why don’t you eat peanut butter and jelly on white bread like us?”  I answered “What’s that?  I never had it before.” She told me that all American kids ate it and that maybe I should “Go back to where I came from if America is so bad that you can’t even eat what we all eat, you stupid Polack.”  I was 7 years old.  It wasn’t the first time I was told to go back to wherever I was from because I did things a little different (never mind that I desperately wanted to fit in and never said anything nasty about what they did). It wasn’t going to be the last time I heard it either.

In fact, I heard some very strange statements about Poland from other children. That we were all Communists. Did we have tombstones, tomatoes, diapers, cows, cars? That we owed the USA for everything because the USA rescued Poland during World War II because we were too stupid and lazy to fight the Nazis. I could go on for hours.

At home, I tried to speak English all the time, even though my parents wanted me to still speak Polish so that I would have that as a job skill later on in life. They were right, of course, but with what I went through at school, I didn’t care. My parents spoke to the teachers about my issues with my peers and the first couple of teachers cared and had me sit at tables where the children were not judgmental and nasty.

But then, I got a teacher who didn’t care at all and probably secretly was a nasty little racist herself. My schoolwork suffered for a while under her. I began to draw back emotionally from people and not focus. In the beginning of the school year, when she met my mother and I, she requested a fellow teacher to try translating for us. When the second teacher came, she listened to us speaking English, albeit with accents, and she announced “They speak English clearly. You don’t need an interpreter.” My new teacher would go on to hold hostility toward my family. She and my mother once got into a screaming argument because she believed I should have been held back the year prior and because she believed I needed to be tested since she felt I had a low IQ. Never mind the fact that the same year we were all tested for future placement in the new Gifted and Talented programs and my results placed me two years ahead of my peers. My mother was so pleased at the results, she shared them very nicely with the teacher, who in the conversation went from her usual fake smile (it was the year I also learned that just because someone smiles, does not mean they are actually happy) to a very unhappy and angry face. She then looked at me, smiled and said “I always knew you were intelligent.  You just lack focus, sweetie.” And then turned to my mother and said “I still think she needs more ESL classes” and walked away.

We did a presentation in class, my first. I didn’t fully understand what the assignment was, asked and was told to “Just do it!” It was for Black History Month. It was the first time I had ever heard of that. I asked my parents if they had a Polish History Month and my parents laughed. Apparently, there wasn’t an Immigrant History Month, either. The assignment was to pick a famous Black person and write about them.  This was a new idea to me. How would I know who was a famous Black person? My parents didn’t really know either so a classmate’s mother suggested, and I wrote about Martin Luther King, Jr., who’s dream of a color blind world really touched me.

While presenting my essay in front of the class, I began to stumble on my words and speak quieter and the same racist teacher commented “Somebody needs more ESL classes! Go sit down!” I was so young and I still remember how angry and hurt I felt. I still carry hatred towards her, which I know is wrong, but I don’t care, it’s the way I feel.

The holes I have in my education are all from that year. I can’t multiply off the top of my head and I struggle to write an research essay about a theme someone presents me with.  That year, we also learned about the names of other countries and their capitals. I decided in high school to learn that on my own, since I didn’t learn it that year in elementary school. I could work on it more, I know. I could shake the blame I lay squarely on her.  But she was also a teacher. Someone who helps shape children into the adults they become. And I don’t think she had any right to be one.

I also feel shock and disgust at the education system because although my mother repeatedly reported her for marking all my homework as wrong, of which the answers were all always correct, even according to the Principal of the school, she continues to teach to this day. In fact, when we moved to a new school district, my younger sibling was assigned her as a teacher in the new school. She attempted to fail my sibling as well, and state that she could not understand their “accent” which they did not have, being born and raised in the USA. After three months of her continued harassment of my mother and sibling, my sibling was transferred to a different teacher, but that woman was never reprimanded.

I ended up losing my accent very quickly. I also forgot Polish. My cousins, both Babcie, Cioci, and Wujek would all send me cards and letters which I loved. But I didn’t know who they were. And it reminded me constantly that I was missing family. And I couldn’t call them to talk because at the time, calling Poland could cost you over $100 for just a half an hour. And I didn’t write to them because I felt ashamed that I didn’t know Polish well enough anymore to say anything.

I even had play dates with another little boy my age who was also Polish and who constantly reminded me that he “was more Polish” than I was. Surprising, he and his family later in life were confused why I didn’t marry him. I’m actually glad I left the neighborhood I lived in, because shamefully, many Polish Americans had that same “I’m more Polish than so-and-so” attitude. I don’t think that is a Polish trait, I think it was specific to that neighborhood.

*This is the second of a three-part series from Polish Mama On The Prairie. The first installment is here.*