Mompetition: The Race To See Who’s A Better Mommy

*Please welcome another guest blogger to She’sWrite. The Defiant Housewife is a mom of two girls, ages 1 and 3. She used to work outside the home, but recently moved and became a SAHM. Her no-holds-barred sass is a refreshing change and makes me want to have her over for wine, even if some of the moms she encounters in her suburban neighborhood don’t appreciate it.

I can’t believe your daughter is one and only has 4 teeth! Mine had 12 by that age! Your little girl is tiny. You know, my daughter was wearing a 2T when she was one!  Let the mompetition begin! The funny thing is, no one is going to care how many teeth your child had at the age of one. And I think we can all agree that there is a point where chubby ain’t so cute anymore. So, when did being a mom become a race to be won?

I pride myself on being open and accepting of other people and different parenting styles. I love getting to know other moms because there is so much we can learn from each other. But, I didn’t know that moving to the ‘burbs flooded with stay-at-home moms would introduce me to a new breed of woman – the kind who have absolutely nothing better to do than compare kids. Don’t get me wrong. They are not all like this. There are many who have other interests and hobbies. And there are others who, well, DON’T.

The problem is, I don’t care to play these games. I am a mom of two, and I stopped checking growth charts and worrying about milestones a long time ago. You see, I realize that in the end, they all grow up. They all have teeth. They all learn to walk. They won’t be packing up their pacifier or blankie when they go to college. So, I don’t even think in terms of what everyone else’s kid is doing. I simply don’t care. My kids are normal, healthy and happy. That is all that matters to me.

I am not a typical stay-at-home mom. Both of my kids are in daycare. I am at home most days doing laundry, reading, or watching Dr. Oz. When I go out, I’m usually at the spa getting a facial, furniture shopping or having lunch with my best friends. I don’t have to work, and I can afford to send my kids to school while I do whatever I want. I believe this makes me a better mom and wife, and it helps me to get things done without distraction.

I spent the last three years of my life at a job I hated in a city more than a thousand miles away from my closest friends and family. I decided that when I moved away from that life, I would take time for me. And that is exactly what I’m doing. But everyone doesn’t understand that. In fact, I have encountered more than my fair share of haters who question why my kids don’t stay at home with me (am I just not mom enough?) or why I haven’t called them for a play date (yet another sign of my failure to participate in mommy-approved activities.)

I am an outgoing, social person, but if you want to trade cupcake recipes, I’m probably not the one to call. I do all of the typical mom stuff, but I’m more than a mom. It doesn’t consume me. I can make a mean meatloaf and Louisiana dump cake. I can tell you how to get stains out of your kids’ clothes and which baby products have been recalled. But, I get more excited about things I have accomplished in my career, going out to fabulous restaurants, sipping a great glass of wine and the latest celebrity gossip.

I love my mommy friends who can share hilarious stories about our kids and discipline ideas for our toddlers. We reminisce about the exciting lives we used to have and what we really thought about the royal wedding. (I was totally underwhelmed, but I digress…)  We are diverse – wives, mothers, entrepreneurs, businesswomen, writers, editors, doctors, and so much more. There is no need for me to compete with anyone.  The women who do so fail to realize they are exposing their own insecurities. They are talking about all of the wonderful, exciting things their children are doing because what mom is doing is not nearly as interesting. Her child may be taking his first steps, but she doesn’t know what her next step will be.

We should support each other as women because no one understands our plight quite like we do. We are sisters in this struggle who are just trying to raise our children in the best way possible. We can choose collaboration instead of competition. We can choose to be dynamic moms who work to develop ourselves as well as our children. And that would be a win-win for everyone.